Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
