i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
