there was a trapeze. enough said
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
