I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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