I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
