Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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