I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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