My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
