it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I want you more than these girls want KFC
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
