I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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