I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
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i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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