so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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