TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
