Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
