So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
