Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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