I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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