Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We need to get me chipped asap
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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