he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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