Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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