Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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