So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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