my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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