i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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