If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
