You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
