And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
