Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
