please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
