It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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