did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
