I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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