I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
