It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
