You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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