talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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