Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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