some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
