I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize