omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize