You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
