Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
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Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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