just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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