Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
