dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need a beard to bite.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
