Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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