I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
