she was so not down for the gang bang
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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