question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
