i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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