I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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