Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
