break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
