I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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