it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
