Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
