Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
