Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
