GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
