she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
