He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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