we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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