Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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