I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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