I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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