addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
